Stretchy Pants

Who here does yoga - (yeah, I know "practices" yoga)? Of those of us who just raised our hands, who attends an actual yoga class - okay I know at least I know what I'm talking about then -

So... in a yoga class you have all your classic "Breakfast Club" characters. You have your perky and perfect Molly Ringwalds (their outfits match their mats), your muscle bound Emilio Estevezes (huh?) - (to be fair they are a bit older and pudgier than Emilio, and they are not very stretchy) , a lot of your strange and... well let's just go with strange Ally Sheedys. I'm assuming that there are smart and nerdy ones too - like that kid that was in every single John Hughes movie, but we don't get to talk, so they are a mystery to me. Anyway, I think that I just may be the Judd Nelson of the 24 Hr Fitness Friday late afternoon yoga class.

While my instructor is concentrating on "inhaling joy and exhaling gratitude" (her exact words) - I am concerned with inhaling the odd mixture of smells coming from the man next to me. While the Molly Ringwalds and especially the Ally Sheedys are allowing their minds to be "silent and present" my mind is extremely concerned that there seem to be an awful lot of times when my bum is stuck up in the air, and I am a bit more than a bit sweaty, because I just came from my cycling class and I think I might have bum sweat marks on my stretchy yoga pants and I'm hoping the person behind me is not looking at my sweaty stretchy yoga bum.

But the pinnacle of my shame came, when, at the end of class the instructor told us to "have a little fun on our mats before we worked toward 'bird of paradise' " - which I can only assume is not an actual bird - and I looked around and everyone was doing, like, free form yoga- like they actually knew what they were supposed to do, (including the pregnant girl next to me,) and they were focused on the whole joy/gratitude thing. Well ,what would you have done? I went with "fake it". However, there are some things you just can't fake, and at the top of this list is: flexibility. So I started twisting and writhing right there on my mat until I was laying on my belly (sort of ) with one knee underneath me and up by my chin, and my other leg extended all the way back behind me. (Don't ask me to replicate it.)

Then, in true Judd Nelson style, I started laughing - not quietly - because all I can picture is... well, me in this ridiculous position obviously (which by the way, only serves to emphasize the bum sweat thing). Let me tell you - yogies might be flexible, but they are not funny -
and so I'm pretty sure one more class like that and I will be serving Saturday detention in the Daycare Center ... maybe I should wear a bandana around my knee.