{ Exposing My Pants }

We are having a talent show at my church.  I thought it would be a good opportunity to encourage our kids to display their unique gifts with our congregation and to make me feel like I was teaching them something useful by throwing some good Bible stuff at them like "don't hide your light under a bushel" and "don't bury your talents in the dirt like that one foolish servant did" and "honor your father and mother- but mostly your mother if you want your days to be long upon the land".  (Whenever I heard that one about the "hiding under the bushel" when I was young, I pictured that song "On Top Of Spaghetti" where the meatball rolled off the table and (having apparently gained an enormous amount of momentum from its fall), made it out the door and continued rolling until it finally came to rest under a bush.  I think after that it grows a meatball tree - and what could be bad about a tree that can grow meat?)

After determining with my sons that each of them would display one of their original Lego creations, and my daughter deciding that she would show some of the pottery she made while learning to throw on the wheel, my children asked me what I was going to do.  My first choice was "stand in the middle of the gym and tell people what to do"... but I was afraid that someone might think "Hey - she's super good at being bossy.  Let's put her in charge", and since my goal is to never be in charge of anything ever - it seemed counterproductive.

I considered tap dancing.  I took a couple years of tap lessons when I was a kid.  I don't know if I was very good, but as far as I can tell, the best tap dancer you've ever seen - not much better than the worst tap dancer you've ever seen, as long as they're enthusiastic, wear something with feathers and wave their arms around in really big circles a lot.  (Actually, as I'm picturing this in my head, I'm thinking that maybe I should've gone with tap dancing.  I would've made it on YouTube for sure.)

Since my first two ideas weren't super viable, I decided to read one of the stories from my blog. (Think a slightly-less-talented Sarah Vowell from "This American Life" only without the interesting voice.)  This is a little scary for me because I'm not sure what I'm going to do if I get up on stage, read one of these things... and hear no laughter.  This had not occurred to me until one of the ladies from my church who read my blog recently told me that she "didn't get it".  (I like her a lot though, so I'm ok with it.)  My husband asked me if it hurt my feelings, and I could honestly answer "no".  I'm a big believer that writing, or music, or painting or dancing has nothing at all to do with how it is received.  Once an artist has finished their work, the art part is over and it doesn't belong to the artist anymore.  People are free to like it, or hate it... or not get it.

However... it is a lot more comfortable for people to "not get it" when you are separated by a computer ... and the internet.  (Which I still contend is Al Gore's most significant contribution to our society... aside from the term "lock box".)

So... I need some reader feedback.  In order to determine which one of these blog essays, (heretofore known as blessays), I should read, I'm asking for your suggestions.  Tell me which blessay you think I should present and I'll  narrow it down from there.

... and if it all goes badly when I'm finally on stage, I'll just have to improv a really sweet tap routine.
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Erika said...

Probably my favorite is Golfers Wear Ugly Pants, but I don't know how appropriate that would be for church. How about A Gypsy in Snow Pants?

Amy Jo said...

I think the one about the Mothers room is HILLARIOUS, like laugh so hard I cried. I also think people at church would understand the mothers room.

The Laundry Queen said...

Gol. That will take some thinking on my part. I am also busy getting the kids ready for our talent show and it looks like I'm going to pretend that a few of my photos are art. Good luck on that!

The Laundry Queen said...

Oh! You could read your Al Gore Manifesto. And the Mother's room one is funny, too-- unless the interloper in question will be in attendance, because then it might just be awkward. ; )

JudyAdamsonArtandDesign said...

The one about the tantrums - yours!

carmar76 said...

I totally agree with you about art. When I write, it's for me - and if other ppl happen to dig it, I LOVE that. But if they don't, they don't. I don't get NASCAR, but other ppl seem to like it... : )

I think my vote for you to read is the mothers room, too.

Happy talent show-ing!

side of fries said...

Too hard to pick! I agree about the Mothers' Room one. To die for funny. I also like the mole one. Oh, and I love the one about your dad and the kid chain-gang.

You have more courage than I do... but, then again, you have better material too!

Happy Holmes said...

Oregon and cell phones. You know, relatable to all Oregonians, but I don't know how well "crotch talk" would be received. A prude in every audience!

The post on tantrums was a favorite! I think I threw a fit that night and referred to your list!

Joe Sturzenegger said...

I vote for "How Karma Wears Her Pants." It was hilarious and i think people will get it. I don't even have kids and i get it.