The one I feel for in all of this though, is Washington. Not the city. Not the state, (although-they have sales tax and we don't, and we have a professional basketball team and they don't.. Poor people.). No, I speak here of the Washington. As in George. This poor man gave his whole adult life to help start a new country. He stood on a boat in the middle of an icy river in the middle of winter (obviously, hence the ice). He probably walked uphill both ways to get to the Continental Congress - and what does he get? His name, synonymous with all that is wrong with the government that he sacrificed to established. If there is such a thing as taking someone's name in vain (and I think we can agree that there is) - this is it- don't you think?
George Washington was a great president. (My favorite is Lincoln, but Washington's in my top 3.) The thing I have always liked about him (unless my political science professors were big fat liars) was that he didn't really want to be in charge, in government at least. He had the chance to be a King - he turned it down. He could've stayed in the executive office longer, there was no precedent for him to leave, but he didn't stay. He was a great leader because he served. He didn't rule. It is ironic that the city that bears his name has become a symbol of greed and selfishness and (according to a friend of mine that lives there) is kind of stinky. Although...George probably was stinky - not great personal hygiene in the 18th century- but so was everybody else, so odds are no one noticed.
So, to protect the name of poor George Washington, the mother of all Founding Fathers, I am proposing that we "rebrand" our nation's capital. I think something with "gate" in its name. That seems to be how we define the little episodes that make our government great. Watergate, Lewinskygate, and the soon to be announced Big-banks-that-aren't-good-with-money-gate. (I'm sending that one to whoever names these kinds of things, so watch for it.) The best one I can think of is Gateysburg, (I know, not great). It does, however, conjure a false sense of patriotic self sacrifice which, you gotta admit, works well. We are, of course, taking public comment town hall style. Maybe it could be like the "name the baby elephant" contest that the zoo ran last month. All I know is that if we can organize half as well as the gossipy kids in high school, we'll have this thing done by November and the real Washington will finally be able to rest in peace.