To: Tooth Fairy
Re: What the heck?
This memo is to serve as your official notification that I will be filing a formal complaint with your supervisor regarding our complete dissatisfaction with your performance as our family's Tooth Fairy.
On more than one occasion you have demonstrated behavior that leads me to believe that you would be better suited for a different field of employment. Such behaviors include an alarmingly high rate of absenteeism (my son waited three days for your last pick up), disregarding your obligation for personal written correspondence with my children (you have yet to answer my son's letter requesting information on what you do with all of those teeth - I think he finds it a little disturbing) and below market value pricing for my children's cavity free teeth. One of my son's classmates is currently being compensated at the rate of $10 per tooth, and my sister informs me that her Tooth Fairy leaves fancy gold dollars with each visit. We will be filing a separate complaint with the EEOC and will be requesting all back pay plus fines paid in full as soon as possible.
I do not have the extra time nor am I willing to assume responsibility any longer for your carelessness. I will no longer attempt to convince my disappointed children that their tooth money has fallen behind the bed, worked its way into the pillowcase, or become tangled in the sheets. I will no longer pen hastily written letters with my left hand to disguise my handwriting in hopes of protecting your professional reputation. I will no longer store two mouths worth of teeth in my underwear drawer because you have failed to remove them as per your job description. (Quite frankly it's just a little gross.)
As my children's advocate in this matter, I can no longer accept your irresponsible behavior nor will I subject them to the neglect and obvious careless regard that you have for their feelings. I will be requesting a replacement fairy as soon as possible, and can only hope that you pursue a career that does not involve destroying childhood memories.
I am keeping my fingers crossed that your replacement is more responsible and thorough than you have been.
I will be forwarding my complaint to the Easter Bunny, Santa's Workshop and The Great Pumpkin.
pistachio cake - Now that I’ve gotten a few bigger projects out of the way — hooray! And more soon on all of that, eee — I have a little more time again to do the things ...
1 day ago