So here is my letter, that I'm sure will never be published except by myself...
Dear Oregon Legislature,
I am a 36-year-old, suburban mother of four. I carry my baby in one of those “I’m a hip Portland hippy mom” baby wraps. I recycle my aluminum cans (wait, no more aluminum cans –“organic, local, in season”). I even did some urban chicken farming (until we were forced to move during “The Crash” and couldn’t find a house whose rent was ten dozen pretty blue eggs payable the first of each month). I breastfeed, I compost, I deny my California upbringing.
I love that Oregon likes to stick it to The Man as much as the next girl, but you vote to take away my plastic grocery bags, and I will go third party on you. Collapsible, reusable, little shopping bags are good in theory. They feel responsible. People living in the Pearl District love them, but they aren’t what you’d call “family friendly”.
Some shoppers are fans of paper bags. I am not. I can’t hang 15 paper bags off each arm to minimize stair climbing. I can’t use paper bags to seal off dirty diapers and nasty soccer shoes. I can’t make them into homemade parachutes for those little green army men my sons love.
There’s a recession on (still). Oregon isn’t exactly known for its job security, and you haven’t even picked on a single public employee union yet. Oregon’s families have lost enough. For the love of all that is green, leave our plastic bags alone.
It's my only little counter-revolution. I'm thinking about a grocery store sit in... in the cookie aisle. Who wants to bring the milk?