We've seen his pants before.

February has the potential for being a tough month for me.  In an attempt to remedy the highly pressing social issue of sub-par television picture quality, we are going digital.  That is, someone (probably a man) got some kind of new digital television signal putter-outer and said to his friend "Come look at this man, it's so sweet.  We all totally need this.)  Except... When I say "we" I mean everyone but me, because we have neither a digital TV nor cable television... and I sort of thought that the OPB box pushers were kidding when they said that I needed to get some kind of magic box that plugs into my "vintage" television set so that I can continue to watch "the quality programming that I now enjoy".  Turns out that I really do need one of those magic boxes, but, in true Capitalist style, there are not enough boxes to go around - we call that "scarcity of resources".  Next time we "upgrade" to the next big thing I think that those public service announcement commercials should say "Seriously - you need this.  You're not being punked, and we promise that the box is not a way for the government to track your movements and steal your facebook password."

I am not all that concerned about losing my TV viewing capacity, because I like to watch online anyway.  I can watch pretty much anything I want to watch online with limited commercial interruptions and during my kid's nap time.  The down side of online viewing is that I can watch pretty much anything I want to watch online with limited commercial interruptions and during my kid's nap time.  In other words, I have the option of procrastinating the laundry (how often does a six year old really need his socks washed anyway?) and I am becoming increasingly addicted to strangish, culty (not the brainwashing, kool-aid drinking kind of culty) kinds of shows like "Legend of the Seeker" and "Angel" (although I'm sort of over that one). 

The thing that these shows have in common is the idea of a "chosen man" (it's almost always a man) that emerges when there is a great social evil that must be battled, a great inequality that must be rectified, or a hopelessness that must be dispelled.  There is usually a woman, that is either an actual or potential lover, and an added source of power for the "chosen"- either because she is a ritchie and has social clout, or she has some extraordinary personal trait (wisdom, beauty etc.) that affords her influence over others.  (People always listen to the pretty girl.  Sorry, but I think it's a rule.)  The cast of characters is rounded out by a "wizard", an oracle (or set of oracles) and, of course and very importantly - the villain.

I am now convinced that it is because we have embraced these archetypes that Barack Obama was elected President of the United States - so you can thank/blame the WB.  Think about it...

1.  "the chosen": Barack Obama rises from obscurity to establish balance and bring prosperity and truth back to the "people".  (Luke Skywalker anyone?)  Instead of using a light saber, or Excalibur to defend justice, Obama will be using the hat Aretha Franklin wore at the inauguration to blind his foes with the bedazzled goodness of the Bow of Truth.

2.  "the girl":  Clearly, Michelle Obama.  No one's gonna cross  her, she's a little scary.

3.  "the wizard": The little man inside my computer that runs the Internet and seemed to provide a bottomless pit of campaign money.  When Hillary Clinton is jealous of your fund raising ability - now that's magic.

4.  "the oracles":  I'm going with Jimmy Carter, Bill Clinton and George Bush 1.  I picture these 3 old guys clustered around a big bubbling pot full of the bones of their old political enemies, lurking in some secret passage of the White House just waiting to tell the current president what they think he should do.

5. "the villain":  Time.  There's an election coming in less than two years.  Two years isn't very long to deliver on your promises, but plenty of time for people to forget how much they loved you.

All in all, I feel like my TV research has led me to all kinds of new and useful knowledge.  Maybe I could come up with a snappy little catch phrase , take out a copyright, or patent, or whatever, and make a lot of money selling tee-shirts, bumper stickers and coffee mugs.  I think I'll go with "Obamalot"- like the Kennedy era's "Camelot", but a touch more modern.  Hopefully the chosen one can help me get my magic box so that my TV connection can be saved and my important research can continue.  We'll see.
Bookmark and Share


The Laundry Queen said...

I am so glad that you spend time thinking of these things (so that I don't have to)! ; ) Made me laugh as usual, thanks!

Amy Jo said...

I am in love with your blog, I check on a daily basis to see what my witty lady cousin has to say next. Thank you for always bringing a smile to this face of mine!

Val said...

Digital, schmigital! Who are they to say rabbit ears don't make a lovely home fashion statement! We do, however, have a digital tv. Even a large one. Even surround sound. And NO CABLE! There's actually a story to that, but seeing as it's late and my kids think they don't have to go to bed anytime this side of midnight, I'll save you the blah blah blah.

And I amen you about Michelle Obama. She kind of scares me, too. I'm pretty sure she's like 6'6" and probably sports a black belt under those designer duds.

Jadie said...

I love your blog! I'd say something like "I can't wait to see the rest of the pants in your closet," but somehow, that just sounds kind of off... ;)