What else is in my pants you ask?...

I went boogie boarding in Kauai yesterday and I got washed up on the shore because I have no idea how to get off the stupid thing before it vomits me onto the beach all exposed and not at all like those super models in the swimsuit catalogs and am left rolling around on the beautiful but abrasive shore and even the Pacific Ocean can't dislodge a wave induced wedgie worth of sand - yikes!